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“Send
me word of your unfailing love Oh Lord, for my soul
it faints with in me. Father wrap me in your arms of
love for there are many who are eager for my fall. Grant
me sturdy legs to carry on in the journey and strength
to lift my eyes to you. May my feet find the grace of
stability underneath them and may my mind find assurance
and peace to guard it."
"Lord,
many are displeased with me and I find it hard to not
wallow in their displeasure. I have run to the well
of my self worth and found it empty, even the bucket
I have brought to draw with is too small to fill my
need. Lord set me upon the rock that is higher than
I, quench my thirst, fill me with your worth, let me
Lord be your pleasure.”
It
can be hard to get a hold of our thoughts when we are
facing difficult times. How quickly we descend the stairs
to the basement of despair. Each stair seems to bring
doubtful thoughts of our worth, especially in times
when someone has expressed disappointment in us. It
is in these times that we must turn around and climb
back up, we must lift our thoughts to the one Master
who can bring us back to a place of rest. I find myself
sitting on the landing this morning, feet resting on
the first step of the spiral down, knees bent, body
laid back, face towards heaven and eyes filled with
tears. “Father, turn me around, meet me here Lord,
I can’t do this alone.”
I
find that sometimes the first step back up is not a
step at all but a stop, a halting of the ever-building
momentum downward. The Lord over and over in the scriptures
asks us to be still, “Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;” (Ps 37:7, NIV). “Be
still and know that I am God;” (Ps 46:10, NIV).
God is aware of our human nature and that when we panic
or fear we run. Truth be told our minds are in better
shape than our bodies, they run farther, faster. The
Lord tells us to stop running, be still and wait. In
Psalms 23 it says, “He makes me lie down in green
pastures”. So when your thoughts have turned to
worry on a ship bound for despair, throw out the anchor
and toss it onto the Rock of your Salvation, Christ,
lie down in his pasture. Even in the times when the
tears have blinded your eyes and your step becomes a
tumble, cry out to the Lord and he will stop you, in
both circumstances the Lord is faithful. David writes
in Psalm 22:19 (NIV) “But you, O Lord, be not
far off; O my strength, come quickly to help me.”
It
is in my eagerness that I find my instinctive next step
is misguided. Having stopped and cried out I go forth
in my own strength on feeble knees, and how quickly
the fall comes. The next step again is not the next
stair, but a command to wait, “Wait for the Lord:
be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord.”
(Psalm 27:14). Not stepping can be one of the hardest
things to do. Waiting patiently for the Lord has not
been my strong point. In fact, taped to the handset
of my phone is a note that says, “Wait, pray first”.
I had found that in times of trial, when dark clouds
loomed I was quick to pick up the phone and whine about
my circumstances, but slow to turn to the Lord. Entertaining
fears and lies only aided the snowballing thoughts in
my mind. Waiting requires trust. Trust that is built
upon confidence in the Father. It is in this moment
that your spirit is confronted with the reality of what
you truly believe and your belief that God is faithful
is tested. All the while, the Lord is longing to show
us that we can count on him. We should be able to claim
wholeheartedly Psalm 27:13 (NIV), “I am still
confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.”
As
you are still before the Lord, trusting in his character,
it is here that you must prepare yourself to take the
first step. It is now that you are to set in your hearts
to obey that which the Lord will next tell you to do.
When your thoughts and your heart have fallen in line
with him, when you have dropped your demands and relinquished
your desires, when you no longer place your hope on
your understanding but are willing to seek only the
Lord, it is amazing how clear things become in his light.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to
me and heard my cry.” (Psalm 40:1, NIV)
“Lord
I am never alone, for your word has promised me that
you will never leave or forsake me. Let my spirit rejoice
in that promise. Calm my mind Lord, stop the myriad
of “what ifs” that attack the peace you
have granted me. Replace the fears in my mind with the
truths of your word, may my faith feast on these, nourishing
my trust in you. Father, as I am your heart’s
desire, may it also be my heart’s desire to obey
you. Fill me with courage and strength Lord that even
this trial might glorify you.”
Written
by: Brooke Heidi
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