| Written
by Julia Gray
When it comes to guys, we girls are always looking for
answers to our questions. How will I know when I’ve
met the right one? When is the right time to get married?
How do I get to know someone and not get too emotionally
attached? These questions and more run through our minds.
Most of us desire to be married, to date with integrity
and save our virginity for our wedding night. This road,
however, is one with many bumps, twists and turns.
Growing up those were all desires of mine. I wanted
to meet a godly man, get married and have a family.
I signed a “True Love Waits” card and pledged
to do the dating thing the right way. My freshman year
of college I went to a Christian University. One semester
into classes I met a guy through a mutual friend. Although
he lived 2 states away and we quickly became interested
in each other.
This guy, we’ll call him Ryan, also grew up in
a Christian home and went to a Christian school. With
more than a few things in common my mind began to think
about our future together. After all, he was a Christian
so what did I need to worry about?
As the months went on he started to chip away at my
morality. He made me question my beliefs, my family
and my friends. I started to question the commitments
I made to myself and to God. After my freshman year
I made the decision to transfer to his university to
be with him. This decision was made emotionally with
the thought that I had met my husband. Only in retrospect
do I see the many pitfalls that I fell into.
The Apostle Paul wrote the book of Galatians. Paul had
visited this province many times on his missionary journeys.
One of the themes of this book is addressing the incorrect
doctrine that had flooded the church. The Galatians
started to believe things that were contrary to the
gospel of Jesus Christ. Chapter 1 verse 10 tells why
he is willing to call the Galatians out and speak truth
to them.
“Now am I trying to win the favor of men, or of
God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking
popularity with men, I should not be a bondservant of
Christ (the Messiah).”
(Galatians 1:10 Amplified version)
Seeking to please men instead of God is one of the biggest
traps one can fall into. Seek the character of God and
to become like Him. Living a life for other people will
only lead to the following pitfalls.
Pitfall 1: Becoming too emotionally attached too soon
As girls we can be hopeless romantics. The first time
I met Ryan face to face was on New Years Eve in San
Francisco. Imagine a scene from any romantic comedy
movie and you get the picture. We spent the whole week
together sightseeing and gazing into each other’s
eyes. My mind and my heart were not grounded in reality
or in the truth of God’s word. This led me to
make careless decisions.
Pitfall 2: Separating from friends and family
Ryan said he was a Christian and that he cared about
me. His actions at the beginning showed this to be true.
Soon, however, he brought up the faults of those I cared
about and reasons why they shouldn’t be in my
life. I exchanged the truth for his lies. As a result
I ended up depending on him for my self-worth. Had I
been grounded in the word of God I would have seen this
controlling behavior and broken the relationship off
immediately. Placing him as the number one person in
my life allowed my priorities to become skewed.
Pitfall 3: Physical intimacy
Growing up all I ever heard was that I needed to save
myself for marriage. No one ever talked about the steps
between kissing and sex. It may be more obvious to some,
but I grew up pretty sheltered and naïve. Therefore,
I did not think through how one action can lead to another,
which can lead down a pretty dark road. Ryan had received
my trust and isolated me, which left me vulnerable to
feeling alone and worthless. These emotions that can
only be filled by God had me running after Ryan’s
approval. His clever words brought confusion, which
then brought compromise. I foolishly thought that he
would have my best interest at heart. It became clear
that he was trying to fill a void in his life and using
me was an easy way to do that.
This may sound like a tragic story. It is and, sadly,
it is also a common one. (Rest assured there is a joyful
ending.) However, let’s look at how to avoid these
common traps.
The truth of God’s word and character
When a person becomes born again she becomes a new person
in Jesus Christ.
“Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ
(the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether);
the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has
passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!”
2 Corinthians 5:17 (Amplified Bible)
God’s word is there to show us who we are and
that that new person is found in the character of God.
Only by reading and studying God’s word can we
find out more about Him and who we are as well. This
desire comes out of having a relationship with Him through
Jesus. Some of my best “devotional” times
have been talking with God and spending time with Him.
There are no formulas for this. Spend time with Him
and get to know Him like you would a new friend that
has come into your life.
Wise Counsel and Trusted Friends
I have discovered that true friends are not a dime a
dozen. They are pearls that are to be treasured. Seek
out friends and mentors that know the truth of God and
will prayerfully walk through life with you. A person
that trusts her own counsel is not wise.
“He who leans on, trusts in, and is confident
of his own mind and heart is a [self-confident] fool,
but he who walks in skillful and godly Wisdom shall
be delivered.” Proverbs 28:26 (Amplified Bible)
Seek the Lord and then ask for confirmation in all matters.
A wise choice will be confirmed by those in your life
that are praying for God’s best.
Guard your heart and your mind
“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance
and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the
springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (Amplified Bible)
The Hebrew word for heart means your mind, will and
emotions. These three things need to be tended to and
watched out for. How often do you let yourself daydream
about things that are not lovely, admirable and pure?
(Philippians 4:8) Do you find your own will at odds
with what God wants for your life? Are your emotions
in charge of your decision making? These are a few questions
to ask yourself to determine if you are guarding your
heart.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by
prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your
requests be made known to God; and the peace of God,
which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts
and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (New King James Version) (italics
mine)
The peace of God will guard your heart and your mind
when you give all your worries over to Him.
My sisters, let us make God the center of our lives.
Let us fall in love with Him and make Him the measure
by which we determine a man worthy of our companionship.
Be prayerful and remember that only good gifts come
from the Father.
Oh, I almost forgot about my happy ending. I did not
end up marrying Ryan. After graduating college I finally
broke it off. A year later I married my best friend,
Barry. A story I will tell you about another time. |
